I'm Tired of Saying "I'm okay".

Today was a better day but it doesn't mean that it was still a hard day. As I was driving to church alone this morning...the normal thought came to me of "oh, I need to remember to save seats for my family" until I got a rude awakening reminding me that no...your parents are not going to be going to church with you anymore. What's hard is that before, I always assumed my family wouldn't join the church and the fact they did was amazing! Now, they don't want to be a part of the church anymore and you would think that these feelings should be a bit familiar since they are the feelings I had once had before (the concept of always being alone, the only member) but they are not because I never thought I would have to look back on the past.

I went over to the Morely's and the Clark's today to just talk to them. I explained to them stuff that they already knew but it was more of checking in to see how I was doing. It's funny. When my dad started speaking lies about the church...the spirit was gone. GONE. It was amazing how I was able to tell it was gone. But, today, talking to both Ty and Greg...I felt the spirit in the conversation. The spirit was in the room. It was there because the things we were talking about were of truth.

I think I'm going to be okay. It all seems like a dream to me. My mom just gave me a sleeping pill so I'm exhausted. Baby-sitting bright and early tomorrow. Good night :)