I'm Exhausted From Crying.

I think it's funny how people say I'm a strong person
when sometimes I feel like the weakest person I know.
I thought being home was suppose to be a good thing

but it has just drained me.
My parents and little brother are showing no interest
in coming back to church, my grandma just passed away
and I feel guilty for not being completely upset by it,
I'm stressed with the fact that I need to find another job
to not only pay for school and mission but now gas,
an old friend emailed me saying how she wants me to
take her to church whenever I go which I'm happy about
because she fell away for a bit but scared about because I don't
know if I can handle hearing another "NO" response
when it comes to asking a love one to go to church with me,
and apparently from what my dad said to me tonight,
"You don't give a s*** about your brother."
Really dad? Thanks.
My friend told me that her parents said if I ever
needed to escape from my house or a place to stay
that I could sleep in her room if needed.
Is it really ever going to get to that point?
I feel like me being home has brought more tears
then progress.
I cannot wait to get away from home and to spend
6 days away in Rexburg.
Is it sad I'd rather be in negative degree weather
then the own comfort of my own home right now?
Unfortunately it has gotten to that point.
I just wish there was someone here who can hold me
and let me cry in their arms.