Natalia

Mi Abuelita, Natalia (Raina), passed away this morning around 3:30am. It's weird, I've only cried a little and that was to Sean on the phone. And it really wasn't "crying" per say. I love her, don't get me wrong, but I feel like I'm not that traumatized by it because I feel like I didn't really know her. I would be lucky to see her once a year and when I did, I could never really bond with her because she only spoke Spanish and when she tried speaking to us in English, it was very little. She only lived 45 minutes away from me my entire life and I didn't take the time to go visit her like I should of. I know, pathetic. I think I feel more guilty then I do sad.

One of the goals I promised myself to do this semester at home was to go visit her and my other grandma once a week. She is on the way home from the temple so I figured there would be no excuse not to see her. However, she apparently ran off to Mexico two months ago (this is a normal thing for her to do) and we didn't know until a few weeks ago. I feel bad because I never got to say a final good bye to her and with everything that has been going on in my life, this wasn't something I had hoped for.

Although she is gone, I know I will see her again. One thing that I learned through The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is that I WILL see her again! Never in any other church did I ever learn that we can see our loved ones when we die. For example, marriage. The world thinks it's "till death to us part" where we believe it's "for time and all eternity". Why would you want to be separated by your spouse when you die?! I don't get it. But, how amazing the sealing power is. All I need to do now is her temple work and hope that she accepts the gospel in Spirit Prison. I know she will since she has been taught all the lessons before and had even set a baptismal date!...until she ran off to Mexico again (told ya, totally normal). How can she say no! The one thing that is helping me not feel guilty is knowing that I was an example to her. The reason why she chose to listen to the Sister Missionaries is because she recognized the Book of Mormon. She saw it laying by my bed when she stayed at our house for 2 weeks. She slept in my room and would always see me reading it. If I hadn't been doing my reading...haha she may of never been taught! I really hope my dad lets me do temple work for her. I mean, if he really feels like the church isn't true anymore and everything we do is "completely wrong"...then he doesn't have anything to worry about, right? Since it's "all wrong and isn't true"? He has nothing to worry about! BUT. I know the work is real and that it is true and that I will be blessing mi abuelita's life by going to the temple and doing the work for her.

I'm going to miss her, of course, but I hope she knows how much I did love her. I'm sorry I wasn't the best granddaughter to you, Raina, but know that I loved you so so so much. You're the only one who believed in me with the church for a while if you really think about it :) Rest in Peace...till we meet again.