It's okay.

Let me fill you in on my "love" life since I haven't really done that at all this semester. So, there was this guy who I've had a crush on since last fall semester. It's been on and off for an entire year and it was even still on and off every day of this semester so far. Literally, one day I liked him and the next day I would do a complete 360 and not like him at all. Ask my roommates, they'll confirm it. He is one of my best friends. He is so fun to be around! We didn't really become friends until Spring semester when we realized we did everything together: country dancing, same schedule for eating lunch MWF, worked at Hollister together, and we're both in My A'capella. Anywhosers, I came into this semester not really knowing what was going to happen.

We figured out we both liked each other so...why not see where it goes? Neither of us wanted to be official yet because we just wanted to take things slow and we didn't want to ruin our friendship. Long story short, this boy kissed me one night and the next day tells me he's going to this ball with a girl (she asked him) who he used to like Spring semester and feels that by going, he'll start to like her again...yeah, not cool.

It's funny. I never get my feelings hurt when a guy tells me he doesn't like me anymore but more so when a guy pulls a move like that or does something along those lines. I told him to go to the ball with this girl and to figure out whether he likes her or not and then to let me know. But, I realized that by doing that...I would just be waiting around. So, last night we talked and it's done. Like, done. Even if things don't work out with this girl...I can't see nor let myself go back for him. And the reason why I'm able to give up and lose interest so quickly is because I never let my heart invest in a boy so much that I can get hurt. It still sucks, the situation and all, but I guess we're better off as friends.

So, I'm ready to move forward and to find someone who wants to be with me...and just me.

Me: "Is it okay that I secretly hope things don't work out with him and this girl? Is that me being rude?"
Amanda: "No, that's not you being rude. That's you being a girl."