It's Just One Of Those Days...

I'm about to be very real to you right now. My blog is something I like to be very personal on. Sometimes, too personal. I guess sometimes people misinterpret who I am and so this is a chance for them to really see me for me. I just had a very big break down. My last post is kind of what got it started. I know my parents don't believe in the church anymore and I always thought I wouldn't care if they supported me on going on a mission or not but apparently...I care a lot more then I thought I did. If I don't go on a mission...it's not going to be because of my family. I'm just going to throw that out there so everyone knows that. If I choose not to go, it's because I feel like Heavenly Father has other plans for me. After writing my blog post I decided that I needed to go on a jog. I went to my car, grabbed my iPod and off I went.

I had an idea where I wanted to go so I decided to go there and show up unannounced. I decided to listen to church hymns as I jogged...I know, not the ideal pump up music to listen to on a jog but I was in so much pain that I needed something to uplift me. As I got closer to their house, I lost it. I started to ball my eyes out as I was jogging. I don't know if that has ever happened to any of you but it was so emotionally exhausting. I finally made it to the house and I ring the doorbell. The mom opens the door and immediately notices that I'm balling my eyes out. "Is your husband or son home to give me a blessing?" She gave me a tight hug and led me to the back room. There they were, father and son, as if they were waiting for me. I sat down and talked to all three of them for a while. I just cried everything out and it felt so good. I felt like I really needed a blessing of comfort to make me feel better and to just clear my mind out. They gave me a blessing and lots of things started to pop up in my mind that I needed to do.

I decided to jog back home instead of getting a ride because I still wanted to clear my mind out. I got half way home and again, started to cry. It got to the point where I literally stopped, fell to my knees, and started to vocally pray. I have never felt so vulnerable in my entire life then that moment. People started to walk by and so I began to whisper very softly {{who walks their dog at 9pm when it's almost pitch dark outside??}}. I just knelt there, face in hands, crying. I found the strength to get up and finish my jog home. The mom told me how she really wished I went to Girls Camp this week. I was suppose to go...I got asked to go back in March, before anyone else really. And I was so excited to go but felt like I needed to be home. If I was at Girls Camp...I would of never had that conversation with my mommy. Sure, it could of happened at another time but I just feel like this week I'm going to be growing and learning a lot. I just started reading The Miracle of Forgiveness and I love it. It's a hard book to read. Not because of the wording or anything but because haha you feel like a complete sinner! But, I need it. I need to use these next few months to re-evaluate my life.


♥ The Girl Who Needs To Sleep