Needs To Go Back To Being Her Bubbly Self....Like Now!!

Sunday night triggered my emotions for a roller coaster ride I was not prepared for. Sunday night, I went to the Why I Believe Fireside up at the temple and went to the visitors center afterward with Niels, Joe, and Greg. I had a wonderful experience at the visitors center that night. I swear, every time I go there, I WANT to be a missionary SO BAD! I just get this feeling inside of me telling me that I am going to be a sister missionary one day. I so wish I was 21 right now and on my mission but no...I am only 19 and can only dream about going on a mission as of now. That night, my mind was just starting to wonder again about "going on a mission or getting married".

Monday morning, I woke up with the worst headache. All day, all I could think about was if I was suppose to go on a mission or will I be getting married within the next two years. I started to get overwhelmed about the one thing and it got me super stressed out! Also, Sunday night I got a call from a dear friend to me, Josh Paul, on his mission call to Paris, France! As excited as I was for him...I cried my eyes out on the way home. It is SO HARD knowing that all of my best friends are going on missions...soooo hard. I definitely have more close guy friends then girls so I feel like my whole support system is leaving me; of course to do better things but still. Then, that night I found out that my friend, Emily Edwards, is ENGAGED!!!!! She is 19, turning 20 in August and it definitely didn't help my day get any better at all! Don't get me wrong, I am SOOO beyond excited for her! But..it just didn't help me stress of freaking out about getting married early, just because I would love to serve a mission.

Tuesday was actually a better day. I still stressed out about the whole situation but with the beautiful weather we had...it kind of distracted me :)

Then today...a COMPLETE MESS! I was suppose to go rock climbing tonight because it was free guest night but turned out it wasn't; which in the end I was very grateful for. Since that plan didn't work out, I decided that I needed to go to the temple to just let my mind ponder and clear up and hopefully get some comfort. I get there and the second I walk in, I see Sister Hamilton! Sister Hamilton was one the missionaries that took us on a tour of the visitors center that Sunday night so it was nice to automatically see a familiar face. She asked me if I wanted to see anything and I kept telling her no...but she still insisted with walking around with me. We finally stopped walking and I turned to her and asked her in tears, "How do you put your trust completely in the Lord's hands? How do you trust that everything is going to work out and to not worry about what's in the future?" She immediately told me that this was a sit down conversation so we went straight to the couch. I just poured EVERYTHING out to her, everything that has been building up inside of me since Sunday night. It was really easy to talk to her and she had a lot to say. Pretty much, I just need to stop worrying about it haha simple as that. She told me that if I want to serve a mission and I receive promptings about it, then to just do it! Just tell guys that might pop the quesiton that you are going on a mission and if it's meant to be, he'll wait for you! Easy as that! But, she said not to worry about getting married. She said that I will know when it's right but at the same time...don't go marriage hungry like most girls haha which I promised her I DEFINITELY won't!!! :) She really just made all my troubles go away. If you think about...I literally drove all the way to the Oakland Temple to just sit on a couch and talk to someone...which may seem silly to some but I think I was meant to go there and that she was meant to be there, ready to help me out.

The last thing she said to me was to ask my dad for a Father's Blessing. I was a little hessitant when she told me that because I didn't know how my dad would take it. So, when I got home, I went to my dad and asked for a Father's Blessing. He was a little hessitant at first asking why lol and pestering me with questions but I told him that I just needed a blessing of comfort. So, my dad gave me a blessing and I have never felt so calm and peaceful in my life. My dad said all of the rights things I needed without really even knowing what was wrong with me. It is amazing how powerful the priesthood is.

So, I decided I just need to live life and take everything it throws at me. I think I'm going to move on from Paul...if I'm going to live life, I need to stop worrying about it. If it's meant to be, it'll work out somehow but I can't keep pushing other guys away because of him. This is going to be really hard and may take a while but...he did tell me to forget about me and "date like crazy"...I just don't think he thought I would actually do that...


I am a Daughter of God. I have a Heavenly Father who loves me and knows me and feels my pain. He answers my prayers and is my best friend.


Liv